Your Thoughts Determine Your Destiny

Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of the loss of my best friend and sister. I stayed strong most day (and the night before), thinking about her and what she would think about my life now – what I’ve accomplished, how I’ve changed, the adventures I’ve had that she wanted to have as well. I think she would be proud of me.

I also think she would have hit me in the face quite a few times to keep me in check.

I cried over having to give up a bike that someone loaned to me. I cried about needing to pay for my car. I cried and was unfair with K-bob because I’m insecure and want him to make me secure. Lots of crying. Lots of reality-checking needed.

I’ve come to realize lately that I’m trying too hard to be too much. To be perfect. To be impressive. It’s wearing me out and I’m losing track of who I really am and what I really value. I value my family and friends. I value my health. I value creativity and the pursuit of knowledge. I value not being bat-shiz crazy.

This image/saying really caught me this morning. Your THOUGHTS are what dictate your happiness and your future. I’ve been allowing my thoughts to be absurd and untrue recently. They’ve been hurting me. They’ve changed from thoughts to irrational fears.

gandhi

I need to regain a balance of happy. To do that, I have set a few goals for the coming month/months. And what are goals without accountability? Well, that’s where you all come in. Get on my case if you see me being a slacker.

Goals this month:

Have New Experiences 

Whether it’s trying something new at a restaurant, attending a show I would normally pass on or trying a new activity (hello Stand Up Paddle boarding – you’ve been calling my name for months), I endeavor to try something new each week. Heck, simply checking out new music. That’s one – a new band a week.

Make time for Family

I have a habit of hating the phone. I called my older brother (easily my hero) a grand total of five times last year. We managed to talk twice. Those best-friends-more-like-sisters who live on opposite coasts? Tried to call one yesterday only to realize I lost her number when I got a new phone in April. It’s August. This doesn’t mean dedicating an hour a night to a different person, but maybe it means sending those cards I filled out or dropping a quick text. There is always time for texting.

Listen to my Body

If you know me, you know I tear myself apart. Right now, so is food. As in everything I eat immediately turns to terror in my stomach. And remember that marathon I’m training for? Let’s not talk about over training and fatigue. Running nauseated is going to happen when you’re running long distances in high heat, but it shouldn’t be a constant feeling. I need to listen to my body and give it rest when it needs it. I need to fuel it with things that don’t upset it (re: actually and for real cut out gluten and dairy. I know those are two huge culprits). Practice yoga. Meditate. Shower more regularly…

And finally (most importantly):

Slow Down

I’m too busy. What does busy mean? It means I fill up my day with tasks and leave little time for the things that bring me joy. I want to rediscover (re:find my joy, maybe?) my passion for things I used to find peace in. Be it photography, sewing, cooking, – creating in general – I’m going to make time for me. The better care I take of myself, the better care I can take of the ones who love me.

Any tips from the peanut gallery? What have you found helps you achieve your goals? Books? Meditation? Classes? Movies or music?

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Holding On and Moving Forward

Today (well, the past two or seventeen days) has been kind of rough. I’m so happy to have the friends and support I have, though I am missing quite a few people. I’m constantly reminded how blessed I am –  how much I have and how much I can give.

Sometimes things don’t go your way. Sometimes you don’t get what you want. Sometimes it feels like you’re descending down a mountain in a rain storm and your breaks are failing and you’re hoping there isn’t something waiting for you at the bottom.

Before the 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge

Before the 3 State 3 Mountain Challenge

I have been blessed recently to be welcomed into a community of cyclists in Indianapolis/Fishers. I set out to attempt my first century (100 mile) bike ride last weekend, only to come up short thanks to the weather. I’ve learned so much in such a short period of time – how can I sit and wallow in what I don’t have yet when I look back on what I’ve been given?

ladies

Roommates!

What more can I really ask for? I have friends, family, a job, food on the table and, most importantly my health. So here’s to holding on and moving forward.

Prepping for a Century

The weather is finally starting to change and I’m excited. Shorts and hoodies? Check. Open windows at night for proper sleeping? Check. Sandals? Erm, working on that (silly orthotic inserts).

With spring weather comes spring training. Spring training for me this year includes prepping for my biggest/longest/hardest/most involved athletic pursuit yet: the Three State Three Mountain Century ride in Chattanooga, TN. The first weekend in May.

This is a canon on one of the mountains I'm riding on. A canon. Source.

This is a canon on one of the mountains I’m riding on. A canon. Source.

On the plus side, I’ll get to visit Georgia for the first time. And Alabama. I’m sure I won’t mind that I’m just passing through.

I’m very grateful for Kaleb, Maria, Bruce and Katelyn (bike loaner ftw!) for all of their help, support and training during this endeavor. I’m super nervous, but I know I can totally conquer it.

And did I mention that I also got my TurboKick certification? Yep, and I have an audition for a instructor position this Sunday! Wish me luck.

What have you done (or committed to) recently that scares you?