Americans Watch Baseball

Happy Wednesday everyone! I hope everyone’s week is going well. It’s finally feeling like summer here in Indiana and my runs are suffering thanks to it.

I’m processing a WHOLE lot right now, so instead of drowning you all in thoughts, I’ll leave you with some images of what my life is right now. Side note: we were in Chicago this past weekend and it was wonderful. I do hope I can make it my home some day soon.

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We went up to celebrate this kid’s birthday. Did the same thing two years ago.

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Yep. Not so much has changed…

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We’re easily the most American people at the Cubs game.

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Strikes make sparks make fire.

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Rainer Maria Rilke

How to Survive Without Gluten, Corn or Coffee

I know what you’re thinking: “you don’t.” Or, “why would you want to?” “It’s not worth it,” even. All valid and appropriate responses (and all of which I had when I first read the results). Did I mention it said grapes, too? As in wine? Yeah, I nearly cried.

I made this for all of you

I made this for all of you

If you know me at all, you know that recently/over the past few months I’ve been battling “stomach issues,” as I referred to them. “Sorry guys, I can’t eat that, it upsets my stomach” was my response to pretty much everything anyone offered me. What do I mean by upset? It varied, but usually ended up in extremely painful gas and bloating, headaches and fatigue. Oh, and a halt on estrogen production (we’ll get to that at a later time).

When my traditional doctor recommended taking a pill to “see what would happen” when a blood test revealed I wasn’t producing estrogen, I almost lost my mind. “We don’t know why your body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to do – you’re at a healthy weight and activity level [promise you all that’s what she said]. Why don’t you take this pill, we know it works. Once you get your period we’ll see what happens.”

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Your Thoughts Determine Your Destiny

Yesterday was the five-year anniversary of the loss of my best friend and sister. I stayed strong most day (and the night before), thinking about her and what she would think about my life now – what I’ve accomplished, how I’ve changed, the adventures I’ve had that she wanted to have as well. I think she would be proud of me.

I also think she would have hit me in the face quite a few times to keep me in check.

I cried over having to give up a bike that someone loaned to me. I cried about needing to pay for my car. I cried and was unfair with K-bob because I’m insecure and want him to make me secure. Lots of crying. Lots of reality-checking needed.

I’ve come to realize lately that I’m trying too hard to be too much. To be perfect. To be impressive. It’s wearing me out and I’m losing track of who I really am and what I really value. I value my family and friends. I value my health. I value creativity and the pursuit of knowledge. I value not being bat-shiz crazy.

This image/saying really caught me this morning. Your THOUGHTS are what dictate your happiness and your future. I’ve been allowing my thoughts to be absurd and untrue recently. They’ve been hurting me. They’ve changed from thoughts to irrational fears.

gandhi

I need to regain a balance of happy. To do that, I have set a few goals for the coming month/months. And what are goals without accountability? Well, that’s where you all come in. Get on my case if you see me being a slacker.

Goals this month:

Have New Experiences 

Whether it’s trying something new at a restaurant, attending a show I would normally pass on or trying a new activity (hello Stand Up Paddle boarding – you’ve been calling my name for months), I endeavor to try something new each week. Heck, simply checking out new music. That’s one – a new band a week.

Make time for Family

I have a habit of hating the phone. I called my older brother (easily my hero) a grand total of five times last year. We managed to talk twice. Those best-friends-more-like-sisters who live on opposite coasts? Tried to call one yesterday only to realize I lost her number when I got a new phone in April. It’s August. This doesn’t mean dedicating an hour a night to a different person, but maybe it means sending those cards I filled out or dropping a quick text. There is always time for texting.

Listen to my Body

If you know me, you know I tear myself apart. Right now, so is food. As in everything I eat immediately turns to terror in my stomach. And remember that marathon I’m training for? Let’s not talk about over training and fatigue. Running nauseated is going to happen when you’re running long distances in high heat, but it shouldn’t be a constant feeling. I need to listen to my body and give it rest when it needs it. I need to fuel it with things that don’t upset it (re: actually and for real cut out gluten and dairy. I know those are two huge culprits). Practice yoga. Meditate. Shower more regularly…

And finally (most importantly):

Slow Down

I’m too busy. What does busy mean? It means I fill up my day with tasks and leave little time for the things that bring me joy. I want to rediscover (re:find my joy, maybe?) my passion for things I used to find peace in. Be it photography, sewing, cooking, – creating in general – I’m going to make time for me. The better care I take of myself, the better care I can take of the ones who love me.

Any tips from the peanut gallery? What have you found helps you achieve your goals? Books? Meditation? Classes? Movies or music?

The Beatles in color: Unseen photos

The BF loves the Beatles. I love photography. Best of both worlds?

CNN Photos

Henry Grossman spent four years photographing The Beatles as they did everything from  perform in concerts and pose for magazine covers to party late into the night and pour milk with bedhead in the morning.

Grossman recognized their prominence — it was hard to miss when he had to wear earplugs to block out the screaming beneath the stage at concerts – but he said he would have been more in awe if they had been opera stars. He just liked the guys, he said.

“It just shows me my judgment isn’t very good. I didn’t understand rock,” Grossman said about himself in the ’60s. Though now he says he loves it.

Not even The Beatles realized they would still be defining pop culture a half century after their American Invasion. Grossman recalls a long conversation with George Harrison about their fame in 1967 in which Harrison told him, “Who knows…

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Quotables

I’m really loving the human voices tumblr these days. Here are some of my favorites.

The beginning of philosophy is wonder.

– Aristotle

I am the shipwreck of my own wanderings.

– Fernando Pessoa

I feel therefore that we are ancestors of a God and that with our deepest loneliness we are reaching out through the centuries towards a beginning. That is what I feel.

– Rilke

I feel all shadows of the universe multiplied deep inside my skin.

– Virginia Woolf

But who can remember pain, once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind.

– Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale

Why I Don’t Update Enough

Because I blog for other people for a living.

Sincerely, I love writing and I love blogging. I’m considering how I can “resolve” (for lack of a better term) to keep on this in the future.

Torrey's Peak

This man is running where I was on Thanksgiving. I’ll run there myself, soon.

Currently I’m Loving:
  • Shakeology
  • TurboFire
  • Historical Fiction (I must finish The Historian)
  • Evening walks with Kaleb
  • Planning how our new apartment will be decorated (!!!)
  • Meeting new people/the Challenge group with Maria
  • Travelling
  • Cooking dinner
Currently Contemplating
  • Santosha
  • Shalom
  • the future
  • the bare trees

 

I’m really good at random. I’m working on planned.